Consent is a word we hear a lot these days, but do we really understand what it means? For many CALD adults, including those in the Filipino-Australian community, talking about personal boundaries—especially when it comes to relationships—is not something we openly discuss.
Growing up, we were taught to respect our elders, avoid conflict, and not question certain traditions. But in today’s world, understanding consent is more important than ever. Whether with a spouse, a partner, a friend, or in everyday situations, knowing how to show and ask for consent helps build healthier, more respectful relationships.
Have you ever had “that” conversation?
In Filipino culture, we often avoid difficult conversations, thinking:
- “Hindi na kailangang pag-usapan, alam na ‘yan!” (No need to talk about it, people already know.)
- “Hindi ako sanay makipag-usap tungkol sa ganyan.” (I’m not used to talking about things like this.)
- “Nakakahiya!” (It’s embarrassing!)
But silence doesn’t mean understanding. If we don’t talk about consent, misunderstandings happen—and those misunderstandings can hurt people.
Let’s break the cycle and start the conversation.
What consent really means
- Consent is ongoing. A person may say “yes” at first but can change their mind at any time—and that must be respected.
- Silence is not consent. Just because someone doesn’t say “no” doesn’t mean they are saying “yes,” – they must communicate that they agree.
- Consent is enthusiastic. If someone hesitates, looks away, or seems uncomfortable, they may not be fully consenting.
- Past consent doesn’t mean future consent. Just because someone agreed before doesn’t mean they’re okay with it now.
Simply put: Consent means asking, listening, and respecting the other person’s response.
Why talking about consent can be hard for Filipinos
Many of us grew up in homes where topics about relationships, intimacy, or personal boundaries were never openly discussed. We were raised to:
- “Just obey your elders” – making it hard to question certain behaviours.
- “Wives must always submit to their husbands” – reinforcing the harmful idea that once married, a woman has no say.
- “Lalaki lang ‘yan” (Boys will be boys) – excusing inappropriate behaviour instead of teaching accountability.
These beliefs make it difficult to define what consent really means – not just for us, but for the next generation. The good news is, we can change this by having open, honest conversations.
How to talk about consent in a Filipino-Australian household
1. Talk about everyday situations
- Watching a Filipino teleserye? If a scene shows a forced kiss or an aggressive romantic approach, ask:
- “Sa tingin mo, gusto talaga niya ‘yon?” (Do you think they really wanted that?)
- “Paano kaya kung tinanong muna siya?” (What if they had asked first?)
- Use family gatherings as teaching moments. If you see someone forcing a child to hug or kiss a relative despite their discomfort, say:
- “Hayaan natin siyang pumili kung gusto niya o hindi.” (Let’s allow them to choose if they want to or not.)
2. Share a personal experience
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt pressured into something? If so, sharing your experience can help others see why consent matters.
Example:
“Noong bata pa ako, madalas akong sapilitang hinalikan sa pisngi ng mga tito’t tita natin. Hindi ko gusto, pero hindi ko alam paano tatanggi dahil baka sabihin nilang bastos ako. Pero natutunan ko na okay lang ang magsabi ng ‘ayoko’ kapag hindi ako komportable.”
(When I was younger, relatives would often kiss me on the cheek even if I didn’t like it. I didn’t know how to refuse because I was afraid of being called rude. But I’ve learned that it’s okay to say ‘no’ when I feel uncomfortable.)
3. Ask open-ended questions
Instead of saying:
- “Alam mo na ‘yan, ‘di ba?” (You already know this, right?)
Try asking:
- “Ano sa tingin mo ang ibig sabihin ng consent?” (What do you think consent means?)
This invites discussion instead of assuming knowledge.
A story from the community
Maria, a Filipino-Australian mother of two, realised she had never talked about consent with her teenage daughter, Anna. One night, while watching a Filipino drama, a scene showed a man forcing a kiss on a woman.
Maria asked, “Anna, okay lang ba ‘yan?” (Anna, is that okay?)
Anna shrugged, “Well, it happens all the time in movies.”
Maria saw this as a teachable moment. She explained, “Sa totoong buhay, hindi dapat pinipilit ang isang tao na gumawa ng bagay na ayaw niya. Kapag hindi sigurado, dapat itanong muna.” (In real life, no one should be forced to do something they don’t want to. If you’re not sure, you should always ask first.)
That conversation opened the door to many more discussions about consent.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
1. What if my partner is offended when I ask for consent?
That’s okay. It means this conversation is new to them. Reassure them that it’s not about distrust but about making sure you both feel respected and safe so everyone can have a fun, pleasurable experience.
2. Is it still consent if someone is pressured into saying ‘yes’?
No. There is no consent if someone feels guilty, pressured, or scared into saying yes.
3. Does consent only apply to physical intimacy?
No. Consent is about respecting boundaries in all aspects of life, whether it’s sharing personal information, borrowing someone’s things, or engaging in physical touch.
Where to find reliable information
The Australian Government’s Consent Can’t Wait campaign provides translated resources to help Filipino-Australians understand and talk about consent.
- Consent Conversation Guide in Filipino – A resource specifically for Filipino speakers to understand and discuss consent.
- Consent Conversation guide in English
- Other translated resources – The main translated resources page for all languages.
- Check Your Understanding – A simple way to test what you know.
- Consent Campaign Website – More information on why consent is important and how we can make a change.
Let’s make consent a normal conversation
Imagine a world where Filipino-Australians understand and respect each other’s boundaries—where people feel safe to say no and confident in asking for permission.
That world starts with us.
The more we talk about consent, the easier it becomes. Let’s break the silence and create a future where every Filipino-Australian feels informed, respected, and empowered.
Start today! Visit Consent.gov.au to learn more.
Disclaimer: This article is written in partnership with the Australian Government’s Consent Can’t Wait Campaign
